Helsinki Scorchin'

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10 April 2006

Mix Act BPM Key Duration
Helsinki Scorchin' (Original Mix) Super8 & Tab 134 A minor 9:50
Helsinki Scorchin' (Alex M.O.R.P.H. Remix) Super8 & Tab 138 A minor 8:33

Super8 & Tab's follow-up to their debut, First Aid, is appalling.

Helsinki Scorchin' (Original Mix)

First Aid is recommendable & very listenable. This is pure excrement.
These Finns have done quite a lot to shame the city of Helsinki, & indeed, Finland as well. This is high treason. Only Perussuomalaiset[1] bring more shame.
Rodrigo[2] Deem, an Argentinian, has done more to respect & honour Finland than what this duo did with this song. They redeemed themselves later, though this is execrable.
This is just the iteration of one good construct. That construct may be exceptional, though it iterated without alteration, the song is wholly recrement.
Worse, they added vocals which do nothing at any point. This is ten minutes that could be better spent learning a new language, such as Finnish.
Unfortunately, this was included in Volume Four.

Helsinki Scorchin' (Alex M.O.R.P.H. Remix)

There was a very low chance of this turning out well. So Alex adopted the right strategy: ignore the OM, start afresh. That didn't help.

Helsinki Scorchin' (Michael Cassette Remix)

It's nonetheless great advice. So for this part of Anjunabeats One Hundred, they gave an original mix that actually harnesses the emotion of the vocals in an ultimately futile dirge.

Helsinki Scorchin' (Bart Claessen Remix)

As though AB 100 weren't enough, the 10 Years Of Anjunabeats compilation lauds this as well. Why? S8&T had other songs by that point. Such as Suru. Instead, we get a warm cup of chyle consisting of the vocals of HS overlaid an irrelevant copied & pasted tune from another song. It should sound very familiar. Because it's directly transferred from his song Elf. It's not modified even infinitesimally. It's shameless. It's rushed.

Helsinki Scorchin' (Bart Claessen Alternative Mix)

&, clearly we needed one more! & this 'alternative mix', released in Ibiza 2011, has tautophony with HS & Elf & the non-alternative mix, making it tautophony to the fourth power. Congratulations. Claessen made a tesseract of chyme. He is the incontrovertible champion of simulism. Nobody else has ever done this, nor come close to this ignominy.
This particular mix has the same BPM, waveform, & duration, so I don't know how it's alternative. The climax is a stultiloquent mess of randomised synth, making it even worse than the other Claessen mix. Astounding.